Thursday, May 13, 2010

sunkissed babies

Something I have been struggling with for a while is being a perfect mom.

THE perfect mom.

I know I am not. I have been told I am not and I am not blind... my house is a mess, the laundry never gets put a way, I loose my temper, my 5 year old still doesn't know his ABC's, the little one always cries... I don't know how to sew, I forget things ALL.THE.TIME, bla bla bla... you get it.

Today, I loaded both of my kids up to drive an order to a client. Jake and I have had a cold, but we needed to get out of the house.

On our way home we decide to stop at the lake. We talked about it earlier in the day, but dissed the idea because it was raining and well we were sick.

I figure we stop anyways.

For days now I have the PERFECT image in my head of Jake out in an open field. There are lots of fields and wildflowers near the lake. Baby asleep, so I get Jake and myself out for a very short mini session. I am all excited, because the field is PERFECT... just like I dreamed about!

I take one picture.

This one

No, you see it right. It is blank. I forgot to set my settings right. After this one picture Jake is screaming, he is done... the sun is burning him up, the grass is too spiky, i don't want to, i don't want to.

Yes, I was mad. All I want is one PERFECT picture of my kid... and I can't have it. I just can't. I try, I really try. I even try not to try and leave him alone. Wait did this make sense? Damn this is my job and I can't do it for my own children.

I just can't be perfect.

I get in the car... Jake is crying. I am crying. And here is what he says to me (he really did say this word for word)

He says "Mommy, I just want to have a perfect day with you!"

I cry and ask "What do you want to do?"

"I want to go to the lake"

So, we go.

I was not prepared. Luckily I had a blanket (actually a sheet) in the trunk, I had a little bit of formula, I had sun lotion, a diaper... and i think that's it.

We get there. Within 30 seconds Jake is swimming in the water with his clothes on... well and his cold. Finn is eating fists full of sand. Both kids are splashing in the murky water, laughing and giggling. Finn spent 2 1/2 hours naked on the beach... I only had one extra diaper and the diaper he was wearing before was full of sand.

Finn was content. I was content. Jake was just soooo happy.

When we got home. I bathed my children. Washed away the sand and smelled them one more time... they smelled sunkissed and perfect.

I know I am not perfect. BUT I am perfect at trying to be perfect!


  1. Oh Sonja,
    don't try to be perfect any more. There is one thing I learnd in my life; when ever we try to be perfect, we do it for some one else, but never for ourselfs. That is a big mistake, it wares us out because we try and try and it's not us and our own personality gets lost on the way.
    Not just because you're my daugther, but you're a great person and a great mother! Be yourself, dont trade what you are!
    You went trough a lot in the last couple of years, you have to wonderful children but they are a handful.
    I'm sure you learnd today, that just a simple thing like spending a few hours on the beach with the boys is so much fun. That is happiness, thats perfect!
    I love you

  2. Perfection is Jake it's splashing in the water while mommy is watching, to Finn it's exploring new textures, and to you it's those two little boys and their giggles and laughs. Being happy is more important than being perfect :)

  3. Hallo. Ich habe deinen Blog durch deine Mama gefunden und mal reingeschaut. Ich kann nur sagen: Es gibt keine perfekten Mamas. Wenn man sein Bestes gibt, dann ist alles in Ordnung. Liebe Grüße aus der Nähe von Hamburg sendet dir Inge